Happy Mother's Day

            Consistency.

            That's the word parenting books, magazines, blogs and Websites use when dispensing advice. I've been a variety of mothers over the years, and consistency wasn't always my top calling card.  

            On exceptionally good days, mostly in my imagination, I was patient and kind and told and showed my boys how much I loved them.

            In reality, I was often frustrated and, when my sons bashed a hole in the wall doing what I told them not to do, I will not say I was kind.

            As a new mother, surrounded by heaps of laundry and dirty diapers, I started reading every parenting article I could get my hands on, hoping for a life-line.

            I started with the expert, Dr. Spock. He said never put a baby to sleep on his or her back. If the baby spit up in that position, the well-liked doctor warned, the baby could choke. That advice made sense to me, so I always put my babies to sleep on their stomachs.

            Today, doctors say always let babies sleep on their backs, never their stomachs.

            If the so-called experts can change their minds, and there's pros and cons on both sides of the child rearing situation, how can a mom know the right thing to do?  

            I didn't, so I stopped reading the books and looked at the women in my life. They had a lot to teach me.

            My elderly aunts were seemingly submissive to their husbands. But they ran their households with authority and wielded the paddle and the change purse.

            My aunts taught me that mothers can waltz, dance and jitterbug. They also taught me how to knit and crochet, how to fold sheets and how to run a successful business, even without formal training.

            On the surface, my grandmothers were polar opposites. My maternal grandmother was often in the kitchen or on the couch at night crocheting.

            In reality, she helped out at the family store, taking shifts just like her husband and children, but she was the one who came home and put dinner on the table every night.

            My other grandmother unexpectedly became a widow in her early 40's. She took the only job she could with a 14-year-old daughter in tow, that of a housemother at a college fraternity house. Both were working women before the term became popular, and from them I learned moms were much more than mashed potatoes and pot roast.

            But it's from my mother where I learned the best lessons of what being a mom is all about. Through her example, I learned strength is found in perseverance. She taught her daughters and her sons that it takes quiet commitment, a sense of humor and unlimited forgiveness to keep a family together, both financially and emotionally.

            She reminds me to love unconditionally, make decisions based on emotion and knowledge and to forgive people their blunders. She laughs at her mistakes and makes it a point to know her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

            I finally realized I didn't need Dr. Spock, Dear Abby or a magazine for a parenting plan of action.

            My mom's the best blueprint for mothering I've ever known.

            On this Mother's Day, I want to recognize the mothers, grandmothers, aunts, friends, cousins, sisters and women who love with all their hearts, no matter if a child is theirs biologically or by choice.

            I hope they remember that on any single day, they are all capable of greatness, even if the act is nothing more than wrapping their arms around a child and whispering "you are my greatest joy."

 

This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.