Bodies in Motion .. can we say 'hokey pokey?'

         With a milestone birthday looming at the end of the summer, I decided to follow the experts’ advice – eat healthier, get more sleep and exercise.

            A good first step in eating healthier is avoiding the chips and salsa when we go to a restaurant. I tried asking our servers not to bring the chips to the table, but I thought my boys were going to string me up like a piñata.

            I try to get more sleep, but between the dog and my allergies, I’m up at 3 a.m. and then fighting a losing battle to get more shut eye.

            And that brings us to exercise. I know the health benefits of exercise, and I know I’ll feel so much better if I get moving, but I find all kinds of reasons to choose the couch over the cross trainers.

            First, it’s too hot outside. When it’s 85 degrees before 7 in the morning and the humidity hovers at 99.9 percent, it’s tough for me to put on cheerleading pom poms and hit the pavement. At night, the gnats and mosquitoes are so vicious, not even Deep Woods Off does the job.

Not willing to pay $69.95 for an exercise video through Amazon, I jumped on YouTube – telling myself that was not exercise – thinking all I had to lose was a couple of chins.

            I was amazed at the number of free exercise videos offered. I first clicked on an aerobics fanatic  in skin-tight cheetah leotards sweating, jumping and barking orders at the camera. I was terrified just watching her.

            So I searched for “exercises for older women.” I found a strange lady with an exercise studio next to her hypnosis room. She pointed out the rolls of fat on her abdomen, gave sex advice and would break into an Irish jig from time to time.

            Then there was the aerobics instructor with a ball cap on sideways showing the audience how to punch and jab to get in shape. After he viciously  lunged at the camera for the third time, I decided he was a bit too intense for me.

            There was a video for those who simply want to walk. This instructor pretty much stayed in one place, stepping in place like a wooden soldier. The work out wasn’t too intense as judged by her dog that slept next to her the entire video.

            I found one with two women who promised an easy-to-understand workout for beginners. I decided to jump in with these two, and I did all the arm waves, the jumps and winged my way through the dance steps.  

            I thought I was doing quite well until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The sight of my arms flailing and fat jiggling while trying to maintain straight posture wasn’t pretty and I was grateful nobody had a camera capturing my work-out moves.

            Then I remembered years ago when I used to watch “Gilead – Bodies in Motion” exercise videos on television. I’d come home from work, fix my son a snack, and then I’d do the exercises that gorgeous hunk was showing his audience.

            Thirty years later, Gil is still around, still gorgeous, and still for free but now he’s also on the Internet. I put on a pair of shorts, cranked up the computer speakers and started following along. After 10 minutes, I was out of breath and my legs were cramping.

            My last stop is seeing if anybody’s come up with an exercise video to the hokey pokey. I believe I can master that one.

            “You put your right foot in…”

 This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.