Families lose when texting during dinner

        We were at a restaurant recently, and there were two families having dinner, as different as night and day.

At one, the mother was yakking away on her cell phone. The teenage boy and girl were totally immersed in their cell phones. The father was eating in silence, the lonely look on his face telling a sad story.

            At another table, a mom and dad were there with three teenagers, and they were engaged in a lively conversation the whole time. There was laughing and talking and it seemed obvious they were comfortable and happy sharing food and conversation.

            I thought about dinner time when I was their age and the one unbreakable rule – you did not miss Sunday dinner with the family. All nine of us went to Sunday morning Mass together, and then came home for roast, rice, mashed potatoes, salad, rolls and gravy.

            Mom insisted we use a tablecloth and the best dinner plates. Somebody always spilled their Kool-Aid, but Mom wanted us to understand that dinners together were important, no matter how many times she had to wash that white tablecloth.

            Dinner lasted a long time because we Heberts are extroverts, and we talked about all kinds of things. My dad had definite opinions about the government and how we should succeed in life.

            As we got older and braver, we’d challenge his beliefs so dinners were always lively and cemented us as a family.

 

Modern Family Dinners

            I recently conducted an informal survey with about 60 teenagers, asking about dinner time at their homes, and the results were sad. Most said they either ate in their rooms alone or they ate in front of the television.

            For those who ate together as a family, they said dinner time was when they felt safe to talk about their day. As a family, they shared their achievements, disappointments, funny moments and the aggravating events. They said that hour was the highlight of their day.

It didn’t matter that their definition of family wasn’t what’s portrayed in “Family Circle” magazine. For some, family meant a single mom or single dad. For others, it was two parents and younger siblings who couldn’t yet join in the conversation, but they were learning by example how families connect.

Because technology runs our lives, we’re losing out that the most important people we should be communicating with are the people in our families and those whom we break bread or share take-out fried chicken.

So often, I see people in restaurants on their cell phones, ignoring the people at their table. Worse is when everybody’s on their cells, mistakenly believing that what’s out there in cyberspace is more important than the people at the table they chose to spend time with.

The solution’s simple:  put away the cell phones. If you’re paranoid about missing an emergency call, assign different ring tones to your loved ones, put the cell in your pocket and only answer a call from them.

Stop texting during dinner and insist your children follow the same rule. If you’re that addicted to your cell phone and can’t break away from technology for 20 minutes, you’ve got more troubles than we can address here.

Start talking face to face. If your teenager has his or her face glued to that cell phone, they are not learning the fine art of face-to-face conversation. It’s your job to teach them.

            Insist your family sit down for meals together and form bonds that will last a lifetime. They do that when they share the blessing, pass the bread and find acceptance at the family dinner table.

 This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.