One of the best ways to relax is sitting outside early in
the morning, a cup of hot, fresh coffee nearby while I listen to the critters
in our back yard getting ready for their day.
Squirrels scampering, doves cooing and butterflies
flitting around the flowers are soul refreshers. But don't be fooled by those
cute critters. Mother Nature sometimes wears a cute mask to hide the mischief.
Take squirrels. They look adorable when they waggle their
fluffy tails, and their branch acrobatics are on par with any circus
entertainer. They're cute until they invade the bird feeder.
I watched one industrious squirrel jump out of the tree,
grab onto our bird feeder and straddle the metal feeder upside down while he
scarfed down all the bird seed.
And then there's the armadillos. They look like miniature
tanks as they waddle around the yard at night, and their poor eyesight makes
people feel sorry for them.
Until you discover an armadillo has been digging huge
holes in your yard, holes you discover when you accidentally step in one and
twist your ankle.
Still feeling sorry for them? I think not.
Let's not forget insects. Watching the bees and wasps
flit from flower to flower is a good reminder of the cycle of life.
Until they build a nest in one of your light fixtures,
shorting it out and then kamikaze you when you try and spray the nest.
Snakes are also a fixture in back-yard flower beds. I see
no redeeming quality about a snake. Forget lecturing me that they eat mice and
rats. The only good snake is either dead or in a box, headed to the back of the
subdivision.
Raised on Bugs Bunny cartoons, I always had a soft spot
for Pepe Le Pew, the French skunk who loved female cats and was always trying
to woo them.
But when a skunk sprayed our dog and it took weeks and
gallons of tomato juice to get the stink off that dog, skunks were demoted to
the rank of pest.
Bats are incredible creatures for the yard. They eat
mosquitoes by the pound and people build houses to attract them to their back
yard.
Bats terrify me. I see one and I'm convinced they're
looking to build a nest in my hair. So whenever anything resembling a bat comes
close, I head for the house, hands over my hair, screaming my head off.
Ants also serve a purpose in the back yard. Ants have wonderful
attributes -- they work hard, they never sleep and they require very little
food.
Unless they're fire ants. There is no good reason, and I
mean no good reason, why fire ants are on the planet. They cannot be killed or
destroyed.
You might think you're getting rid of them with the
latest and greatest ant killer, but those indestructible creatures maliciously
burrow deeper underground and lie in wait. After the first rain, fire ant mounds
pop up every two feet in your yard.
And those vicious devils sting without mercy.
There's other creatures in the back yard that conjure up
visions of sweetness. Frogs are cute. Until you accidentally step on one in
your bare feet. Birds are great until you find your lawn furniture covered in
bird droppings.
Which leaves our dog. She's a relentless squirrel
stalker, sounds the alarm when she sees a snake and chases wasps all day long.
That's the kind of back-yard guest I'll take every day of
the week. Now if only she could come up with a way to kill those fire ants...
This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.
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