Finding our "losted" friends

            A couple of years ago, my granddaughter was at a children's play place having a great time with two other little girls. At one point, she came running up to our table without her two new friends.

            "My friends keep losting me," she said, tears filling her eyes.

            We reassured her that they were in different parts of the maze and they'd catch up with her again. She got some hugs, we dried her eyes and she headed back into the play area to find them.

            My granddaughter's comments about "losting friends" came back this week when one of my mom's two best friends passed away after fighting pancreatic cancer.

            For over 30 years, Joy and Mona have been my mom's best friends. The three met when they all worked for Exxon, and they have seen each other through marrying off children, welcoming grandchildren and spoiling great-grandchildren.

            They helped each other make the crossover from full-time employment to retirement. Over time, they moved apart from each other, but they met for off-the-wall adventures at least once every other month.

            The glue that held them together was a genuine love for each other, forged through getting through the rough times together.

            When Mona's husband was diagnosed with cancer, my mom and Joy rallied around their friend as her life changed to deal with his illness.

            Joy was diagnosed with cancer, but in the middle of her treatments, her husband died unexpectedly. Mona and my mom were there with Joy as she continued her radiation treatments and sorted through the overwhelming sadness of sudden widowhood.

            Last week, Joy's condition deteriorated and she was placed in hospice. Two days later, she passed away.

            So many of us have dear friends we keep "losting" along the way. Our lives get busy with responsibilities, family obligations and time on the computer.

            We rationalize that clicking the like button on Facebook is enough to keep our friendships flourishing, but when we stop sharing the highs and lows in our lives, there's not a strong enough foundation to support us when the roof caves in.

            Long-time friends caution us when we're about to make a bone-headed move but then forget to say "I told you so" when their predictions turn out to be right.

            They'll tell us if those pants make us look like a hippo wallowing in mud or when it's time to touch up our gray roots. They'll call us on the phone with a phrase from years ago that instantly connects us to a happy time in our lives.

            I thought about all the well-meaning sentiments I've read in greeting cards and realized the only thing that really matters between long-time friends is making it a point to know what's happening in each others' lives.

            So I looked online and found my best friend from high school. I sent Trudi a message, asking if we could be Facebook friends, thinking it strange we should be asking to be friends when we went through puberty, college and our first child together.

            Just as my granddaughter did, I'm going to pull my shoulders back and make myself go look for my "losted" friends. Those relationships are a lot more important than what's in my email box or making sure the furniture's dusted.

            To paraphrase a scene from the movie "Dance With Me," friends, like spouses, are the ones who are a witness to our lives. They care what happens to us, the good and the bad.

            And when they're "losted," we need to go out and find them.

 This column was originally published in The Fort Bend Herald.